This chapter focuses on Winthrop’s struggle between finding faith in the Lord and reaching his own salvation. It begins with his childhood, stating that he did have an early education in Christ but that it was mostly of “frighting or danger.” This ties into the idea of the puritan children receiving education and ties into what Katie and I discussed last class about whether or not to Baptize the kids. His story then slowly takes us to his youth in which he was constantly in a struggle for “temptations” and he would often find himself succumb to “wickedness” in his behavior. This mostly came through his youth years around age 14 when he was at Cambridge. He would often find himself falling to the Lord for forgiveness as he was all “merciful” in John’s eyes after he had succumb to temptations.
This struggle continued through John’s life. At age 18 he married a strict Christian and the daughter of a Minister. This solidified this immediate portion of John’s life as a strong believer in the lord. He stated that the people and church he was surrounded with kept him from questioning the lord or “making any great question of my good estate.” This is to say he was less tempted for the time being. He then immediately discusses the idea of the “seal of the Spirit,” which I took to represent the ‘experience’ or ‘spiritual coming’ that Katie and I were also touching on Tuesday. He grew sad because he felt as though he were a traitor, he was afraid of shaming himself as a non REAL christian in the eyes of the ministers he was close with etc. Although he was frequently reminded through “outward occasions” and the Lord withheld him anyways. Although he feel into the same constant struggle in which he would “sin, and humble [him]self, and sin” again. He grew humiliated and found no strength in his “sanctification.”
His “greatest troubles were not the sense of God’s wrath or fear of damnation, but want of assurance of salvation.”
At age 30 he had his realization in which he no longer had desire or discontent in the need for assurance but only saw “his free mercy in Jesus.” This gave him no power but simple realization. It gave him comfort. He still questioned his immense desire to search after God and the Saints. Even in this comfort. He always found question and in a sense humiliation. He underwent many struggles between the flesh and the spirit and “even with Satan himself.” John culminates in saying that in his doctrine of Justification he found he had fouled the “garments” of the Lord. He only has thankful praise for the Lords grace.
It is funny to me that John’s desire as we have seen through many of these works is not necessarily driven by fear of damnation itself but by a fear of self humiliation and not TRULY finding the Lord. Every temptation brought shame and his struggle was one of 20+ years. He fits right into this search for God and he exclaims that even his desire for “assurance” in sanctification as a sin.
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