For Elu
Entering with my mind
on nothing in the place
but the moon
I remember him by
rise over the Exxon —
I heard
a malnourished he who
snickered near the urinal
at the smartphone held out–
a nude, maybe not,
who was gushing and
leaning backwards to sit down
onto the man’s half
erect cock
while the cashier of five years was
fanning the pages of
the new cosmo
at the newsstand–
The supreme importance
of this nameless spectacle
sped by me
without a word–
Who cares where I went?
for I left thinking that the
saffron moonrise
over the car dealership
reminds me my first cat
died with one eye spilling pavement
This was a painstaking and emotionally invested imitation of William’s later-titled “The Right of Way”. You’ll find it titled XI in the “Spring and All” manuscript on page 47. I have to publish this now, as it’s long past 8, but perhaps I will get around to detailing my moves, and including some earlier drafts. The moves in his poem are beautiful and very difficult to imitate, but kept me in a really nice daydream–“trout-foolish” as Richard Hugo calls it. For now, I’ll let the poem breathe a bit, eh?
The Right of Way
In passing with my mind
on nothing in the world
but the right of way
I enjoy on the road by
virtue of the law —
I saw
an elderly man who
smiled and looked away
to the north past a house —
a woman in blue
who was laughing and
leaning forward to look up
into the man’s half
averted face
and a boy of eight who was
looking at the middle of
the man’s belly
at a watchchain —
The supreme importance
of this nameless spectacle
sped me by them
without a word —
Why bother where I went?
for I went spinning on the
four wheels of my car
along the wet road until
I saw a girl with one leg
over the rail of a balcony
I think you add a surrealist element to the poem, especially with things like “a malnourished he who snickered near the urinal” and “died with one eye spilling pavement.” But I also think you stay pretty close to some of Williams’ moves, particularly the way you follow the form and incorporate his questions. I always have trouble with imitations. Like how much am I supposed to imitate? Which parts? All parts? At what point does it stop being an imitation? So I think you handle that balance pretty well.
I think you offer an interesting contrast to Williams’s “sped me by them” with your “sped by me.” Williams is in control of his vision–he has “right of way” in his car, but also a certain permissive gaze / vision that never seems quite as comfortable / settled in your rendition. I also like how you reverse the violence that Williams undoes as the one-legged woman ends up just being a girl with a leg over the balcony, whereas your ending line break suspends the vision of a cat, and then spills over into actual violence.
In this imitation (Katherine was wondering what one imitates) I think you capture the act of gazing / perception as a subject for the poem to ponder and enact, and I also think you manage to use the imitation to work through a Williams line break. Great work!