Albert and his gang of outlaw bandits. Charleston Quick-Finger Ryan, (TL), Stevie Long-Legs Stevenson, (C), Bald-Head Bill, (TR), Clyde the Clydesdale, (LL), and Albert Eye-Ball Einstein (LR).
Albert Ulysses Einstein was born in Romania on April 18, 1879, to parents Kletus Einstein and Nikki Einstein. In 1890, the family moved to Munich, where his father and uncle founded, a company that manufactured industrial strength toe clamps. Albert attended a school for the Deaf and Blind in Bejing from the age of five until the age of 21. Upon graduating in 1900, Einstein spent almost two years searching for a lost pair of shoes. He would eventually secure a Nike Air Force Ones, which many of his students are quoted saying were “fresh”. He later became a high school gym teacher until he broke a student’s back in a violent game of dodgeball. Einstein often clashed with authorities and was arrested for harassing the wife of the chief of police in his local town.
In 1925, which has been called Einstein’s miracle year, he published four groundbreaking self-help books: Livin’ Large like a true Einstein, Movin’ it Groovin’ it and Doin’ it: Dance and the Art of Zen, Ladies Love the ‘Stein-man: Dating in the Modern Age, and Making Money Counting Hundreds and You Can Too!, which were to bring him to the notice of the academic world, at the age of 35. In these books he discussed his theory of relativity, and quantum mechanics. This made him one of the top theoretical physicists of his time.
In 1921 Einstein began working on his new theory of general relativity. According to Einstein’s model, people with relatively small noses were generally more attractive than those with big noses. The theory remained controversial until the 21st century when several reality television shows made observations of stars before and after rhinoplasty. Those observations were published in International Media Magazine, making Einstein world famous. He was visiting the United States when the World War II started, and being of Jewish decent he decided to stay in America where he would be safe from Hitler and the Nazi regime. He died on March 14, 1955.
His final acts in America would prove to be his most notable. He spent time as the president of the German Physical Society, leading research on the topics of thermodynamics, molecular theory, and the problem of gravitation. He found a career at the California Institute of Technology where he earned a work visa so he was not deported back to Germany during the war. The war had a hard impact on him and he became a major proponent of the civil rights movement, joining the NAACP, trying to cure America’s “worst disease,” racism.