Y Si Fuera Ella – Blog Post 3


The concert footage unfolds like a balm on nights when my sorrow weighs heavy, and my tears refuse to fall. Even when I’d never felt the pain of unrequited love, Kim Jonghyun’s voice reached deep inside my chest and filled me with unexplainable pain. His vocals carry a soulful sound and echo with an emotional power that transcends language barriers, touching the hearts of anyone. Every note of the song carries the weight of his hurt, forcing listeners to relish in the sadness that resided in his heart.

During the live performance of “Y Si Fuera Ella,” the ninth track of SHINee’s debut album, “The SHINee World,” Jonghyun’s presence shines brightly. It begins with a scene on the big screen of the venue. In a winter setting of a barren forest, Jonghyun collapses to his knees as thunder roars. 

Oddly, I always feel, even when I first watched it, that it mirrors something I’ve seen before, but that sight is nothing more than some unplaceable emotion I’ve felt at particular moments. My home is aged and fragile; its hardwood floors are worn, and its walls are thin. The thunder’s resonance always found its way to me, vibrating through the floor I sat on.

As I held myself through my first heartbreak, the video found its way to my television. As Jonghyun walked onstage to the sound of a gentle piano, I felt the pain in my chest that I’d found comfort in from countless watches. As the first chorus rolled in, I finally related to the song in a way I never had before. For the first time, the line, “Living while pretending I don’t know you,” held a significance that I could truly grasp and hold onto. 

Sweat glistened on Jonghyun’s neck, and his cries for his lost love seemed to touch me through the screen, blending with my skin as I felt beads rolling down my back, leaving a trail of chills behind them. With each of his desperate pleas for his lover not to abandon him, a frog climbed up my throat and choked me.

As the screen faded to black, my anticipation hung heavy. At first watch, the harrowing performance seemed to be over, but I knew better. On the venue screen, Jonghyun merges again, returning to the genesis scene where he knelt. He lets out a primal scream, and the thunder’s rumble reclaims the stage. With a resounding gunshot, synchronized with the return of the lights, he reclaims the stage, clad in a pristine white outfit, a crimson blood stain over his heart. 

With each note that escaped his lips, I felt something resonate within me. It was as if he escaped the television and jumped straight into my heart, plucking at its strings with a precision that left me breathless. I was no longer a spectator but a participant in the emotion before me.

A mournful guitar riff sounded together with my stifled sobs as the song returned to the line, “Live while pretending I didn’t know you.” He once again fell to his knees, splashing into a puddle of bright red water. The water dripped down his face in tune with my tears, and that night, I finally understood the importance of music.


Link to the performance: https://youtu.be/0lSSIQ4lE78?si=nr7Ww-6fmKkWGgIj

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