August 29th: A Poem for Suicide Prevention Month

*TW: suicide

August 29th

I turned Four today.

Blew out the

bright white light, again.

This time it’s a celebration.

I tried my best

to blow it out once

Four years ago.

But I couldn’t finish it.

I guess, I’m no good at it.

Dad didn’t raise a

quitter. But I never

saw anything through.

The glass of my mirror,

where oceans look like eyes

that almost saw to

my demise.

This water’s contaminated,

polluted,

with messages in bottles

signed by The Captain himself.

I am controlled by the

Moon,

whose tears

created a monsoon

inside of a land-boat.

The sea is roughing.

The wind is howling.

‘I almost killed myself.’

The Moon stays quiet.

I’m sorry,

Mom.

I wish you hadn’t

found out this way.

I’m sorry, Sylvia.

And Anne.

I wish you hadn’t.

The Captain of the Coast Guards

in his crisp white uniform

wanted to warm people about me.

So, he put out

orange and white

life vests and buoys,

signs of a storm.

Beware. Beware.

Two Small Stars saved me.

Bathed me.

Made me

remember I had to

pick them up from school.

So, I couldn’t die that day.

First, I had to

return the Stars to their Moon.

Reflection:

“August 29^th” is a personal response poem to Sylvia Plath’s “Lady Lazarus.” I was heavily inspired by her more structured form, rhythm, and autonomous theme, as well as her courage to be so human and raw while writing about her struggle with suicide.

“Lady Lazarus” is written in structured stanzas consisting of three lines each. One can interpret this structure to be representative of the poem being about her third time attempting to end her life, which she calls “Number Three” (417). Her consistency of form can also be viewed as indicative of her repeated attempts all together. I also find it to be in reference to the fact that she was thirty when she wrote the poem, which she mentions on line 20 (417). The use of form to represent age as well as suicidal attempts inspired by choice to create a poem of four lines for each stanza. This is meant to keep with Plath’s idea of consistency and represents the fact that the speaker in “August 29^th” is writing the piece four years from the day they struggled with suicide. In addition, Plath’s form requires sentences to flow into the next stanza, providing a relaxed, flowing pace. This was a common practice among many confessionalism poets, which provides their readers with a sense of casual conversation (Nelson 34). This was another reason I chose to feature structured stanzas that move the reader down the page in conversation, as opposed to a more free-verse form that can come across as talking at the reader.

Along with form, Plath’s rhythm also is emulated in my poem. Plath writes, “grave cave ate,” emphasizing the long vowel ‘a’ (417). This also adds to her use of repetition to allude to the repeated act of attempting to commit suicide. Furthermore, she emphasizes the vowel sound three times, hinting at it being her third time. I wanted to draw upon this technique when I write, “bright white light.” Both instances of repeated vowels create a faster pace, once again pushing the reader along. Similarly, Plath rhymes in some her stanzas. For example, she writes, “I turn and burn. / Do not think I underestimate your concern” (419). I also chose to place some rhymes in “August 29^th” through the words “moon” and “monsoon.” This technique was to catch the readers’ attention, but also to create what Nelson says is a “relaxed,” more conversational tone and feel that comes along with rhyme and iambic pentameter (34).

Lastly, I decided to include a reference to a doctor, which was inspired by the theme of autonomy that so many confessionalism poets chose to speak upon (Nelson 41). Plath’s reference to “Herr Doktor” parallels her psychiatrist or doctor who helped her after her attempt with the Germans. We know that this is meant to be negative because she makes a reference to Nazis and then refers to herself as having a face of “Jew linen” (417). I do this in the reference to “the Captain” who signed the message in a bottle and the Coast Guard who employs orange and white life vests (which alludes to prescription bottles). This was my attempt at casting prescribing doctors in a similar light as Plath did.