Final Reflection:
My project consisted of 20 vignettes from a variety of different social positions and perspectives. I would write a paragraph from the point of view, say, a housewife, or an alien. They were essentially a “day in the life” of a person completely foreign to me. It did not even need to be explicitly auto-biographical: “Hello, I was born on x, y, z”. They could be mundane, bizarre, anything. Each paragraph was accompanied by an image related to the individual I was embodying.
This however was the creative component. I did an extensive amount of critical research into what I was doing, namely, the notion of the alter ego, the instability of identity, and the bridges self-hoods cross. Taking on a new perspective became an alter ego, I thought. I came to the conclusion, the selfhood I normally inhabit, “Zachary”, is but one of the many egos I take on. Much of the research critiqued notions of a singular “self”. In the age of social media and narcissism, culture holds onto the notion of a singular ego — the exceptional self. In light of critical theory, existentialist philosophy, and other analytical frameworks I encountered, this was found to be a construction. The “I” is more or less, a “We”. Post-structuralists Smith and Watson echoed these realizations, with their inquiries into so-called “post-modern” selfhoods. I am hesitant to call this project “post-modern” and do not want to excessively theorize. However, I do certainly believe there exists a “disintegration” of the self, as they call it. I wondered whether one could pick up the remains of this disintegration and create a sort of existential montage, or could one infinitely subtract the self to no particular end. After researching, I realize one can employ a plurality of methods — the self is infinitely malleable.
This project has several strengths and deficiencies. I will firstly analyze its successes: I like the flowering, prismatic quality of the project. It does not require the reader to fully absorb themself into a life. Instead, they are provided a brief shard which can tell so much: The mundane life of a house-cat, etc. It also required I use my preconceived notions about an identity, say, an indigenous person, and convert it into a passage. By doing so, I scavenge my mind for what I have encountered and know of people. From there, I can empathize with them. By relating to others, I reveal myself. Other people are a mirror for my own subjectivity, and I think this is more engaging and stimulating than simply writing a memoir about my own life: Again, ours is an age preoccupied with the singular “I”, which often leaves for indulgent, excessively introspective narratives — the so-called “flood” of memoirs to no end. I could dodge my own narcissism.
There are some weaknesses and difficulties to this project. Firstly, I had to imagine things I typically did not: What would it be like to not exist and be a nothing? This forced me to exercise my imagination to almost absurd levels. What would it be like to be God? It seems ridiculous in retrospect, but selfhoods in general are ridiculous: Again, the “I” is already nonsensical and schizophrenized. There was also a socio-political dimension: I, operating from a position of privilege, took on perspectives of women and minorities. I was concerned I might indulge in stereotypes or generalize about a people: Who am I to speak on the perspectives of those I could not possibly understand. Then again, who am I to speak about something as ostensibly familiar as my own self? Selfhoods demand we envision the other, however challenging it seems, I would argue.
I reread these vignettes and find them embarrassing, a little. This is the first time I have truly written “fiction”, that being, not something analytical. The typical “Zachary” project would likely be some sterile essay analyzing the intricacies of James Joyce, or some other dead white man. Some of them are cheesy, I realize, and not as “therapeutic” as I thought. I still think it is a good thing to enter these sorts of literary practices, however unpleasant.
I suppose the statement of this project is to abandon the notion of the self altogether — to stop thinking of the “me”, and consider others. When we envision others, that is where our so-called “selves” are truly revealed, forced outside of oneself. The philosopher Sartre believed the self was fundamentally empty — the “I” was evacuating and constantly leaving itself, leaving a void in place of the “me”. There is no “me”. The project is a direct model of knowledge production, as I am forced to synthesize my own perspective with that of the metaphysical “Other”. From here results an interesting dialectic, none of us can do without eachother.
I suppose my project was a counterpoint to this entire class: I grew a bit sick of constantly intruding into other peoples lives when reading these. Then I thought, a person must feel the same had they ventured into my life. This was the exigence for the project, and I suppose my entire life, from now on.
Prez:
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/17TGrJpbGaYfO3tWZDY3v6n0Ta8mYpMJrKtmYoCc0fJA/edit?usp=drivesdk
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