Redefining Independence and What It Means to Me Now

My Home University In Florence

I have always been a fairly independent person– that was my idea of “self” for a long time. I would find myself having trouble letting people into my life when things got hard because I thought it would create the issue of dependency on others. With this in mind, I made the decision to study abroad in Florence, Italy this past fall, knowing no one else who was going. I hadn’t even been out of the country prior to this, but told myself I was strong enough to face this all without any familiarity.

August 26th, the date of my departure, grew closer and closer and the pit in my stomach grew larger. I didn’t let anyone know my anxious feelings that were consuming my mind. I kept telling myself I would be okay because up to this point in my life, I had been just fine doing everything and anything alone.

Flash forward a week into my study abroad and I was absolutely terrified to beentirely alone in a new country. I remember calling my parents in tears and telling them just how lonely I was. They were shocked by this seemingly sudden feeling that had taken over me. I felt as though I was loosing the independent side I had fought so hard to get. Of course there was a physical barrier between everyone I knew and loved– the entire Atlantic Ocean. But this was more so an emotional barrier that I knew was holding me back. Although it was fairly recent, this moment was like Madden’s moment of looking through the glass. I felt like a child again in the sense that I no longer felt any form of self-sufficiency.

Madden discusses the tension between creating art to heal personally versus creating art as a way of story telling. She says, “I am not proposing that we ignore the healing benefits of creation. What I am proposing is that we get real about what it means to render an experience for the sake of art, for the sake of sharing.” Art is often looked as personal catharsis, but she offers the idea that personal experience (through art) can be shaped into something that others can relate to and learn from.

“I am not proposing that we ignore the healing benefits of creation. What I am proposing is that we get real about what it means to render an experience for the sake of art, for the sake of sharing.”

My Now Best Friends That I Met While Abroad

Now, looking back at this specific moment in my life when I felt so lost, I am able to understand it from an entirely different perspective. That moment of isolation forced me to rely on others in order to find my place. I ended up finding people who made my new foreign home feel so familiar, and realized that I didn’t have to be alone in this. I went on a countless amount of trips to such desirable destinations but kept thinking to myself that these places would not be the same without the amazing people I was exploring them with. Although I do still consider myself independent, by reflecting on this memory now, I am able to see and understand the importance of relationships and how sharing experiences with others does not make me any less “brave” because it is not deemed an independent journey.

Madden also says that what I have just discussed no longer solely belongs to me. Looking through my own lens, I now understand something that I hadn’t until I studied abroad: being independent while also relying on others for help can happen simultaneously. This storytelling now connects this message to my reader, and they may be able to relate it to a memory of their own.