Verizon Wireless, I do humbly beseech you to do unto me as you have done before. And as my most humble gratitude for a confirmation of my eternal salvation, I bow as lowly down to the inclemency of weather which begets the happy canceling of class, in the hours which so fervently propel my honour from the temptations of further slothful procrastination.
Should the good Mother Nature resolve to show me mercy some day, by wrath of fervor on Her cycle’s one Briefest night, or the divine reprobation of Her most gloomy temperaments on her trepidatious Longest night, so as to seek my proof of faith and fear in Her by Providence, I shall endeavour in my humble labors to prove myself so worthy.
I had been ruminating both upon my unpardonable sins in the delaying of my research paper to its rightful glory as a proofread document, and upon my unworthiness as a patron of the Network; for having once spoken to a fellow patron of His great connections in misguided blasphemy, thereby execrating my fair contract with Him; and then my distractions of these things were so pardoned by the generous Presentation of Mother Nature’s frigid spell, which beseeched me to sip gratefully Her warm Celestial Seasonings from my cup. I had stricken my spirits up again in fervor and was delivering myself most purely unto my duties when, by Providence’s care, I was again reclaimed from the condemnation of one unpardonable sin; that of Envy which I sinfully practised of a fellow scholar, by her handsome image before me and by my prior prejudices, for the lustful temptations to which she had subjected my lover; and presently I was resolved in my faith in humankind, when my humble lover raised me from the depths of my distractions by beseeching the Newtork that I might receive his graceful and most loving message. Were it not for the happy prophecy of the Network’s divine satellite, which most graciously aligned the reception of my lover’s message with the glory of the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour, and were it not for Mother Nature’s most gracious gift of such time allowed to me, as I beseech from Her, I most gravely and humbly meditate on the trepidations that should have forsaken me, and the feeble labors over which I shall eternally toil, for the sacred contract that the Network ordains us copious patrons to obey.
